Eyes so deep they scare and excite me

So i did it again i ate another meal......i had no bloody choice but i ate it im so angry and i hate myself again......But i have like fell for a guy he is straight my fucking luck....He is the typical bad boy straight but use's the phrase any holes a goal.....Romantic as that sounds i reali didnt wana become a goal but i did.....typical me im such a twat ive never been with a guy before i no im 17 but ive been to scared in the past....We fooled around twice and i have fell for him i knew the rules but i still fell for him....He has these eyes that are so deep they scare me and excite me......And he has become aparant of my little problem with food and has been picking up on the things i do to avoid eating....But today he said something that knocked me sick and left me feeling even more than alone.......Well i just finishing wat i could of the meal and left some i wrapped up the chippy tray with the paper and just went to walk out the room and one of the other guys said 'lets see ya leftovers'.......i said i that i left a few chips and walked out the room laughing i was in a good mood so thought no finish the chips show the world....lmao......Then the straight guy i fancy and fooled with came in the kitchen looked at me and walked over to get a glass out the cupboard and i said 'Look see im eating them all now'....and i did a little laugh. and he said 'like i care anyway'....I dont no if you understand why i am upset....But i mean the first person i have fell for and ever been intimate with turns to me and basicaly says i dont care if ya eat or not and it just sort of reali upsets me....I wish it didnt but it does.........I would love it if he cared and said 'go on then ya need to eat it anyway' or summet like 'cool cool eat up' but no he didnt....