Since i did it i have felt 2 kinds of pain

When i made myself sick for the first time i felt happy and powerful i loved the control i had over myself. Although i gave into the temptation of eating i sure made up for it and thre it back up....But the day after i felt nasty and horrible and my throat was so painfu.......it still is quite sore but i have a plan theres no way i can get out of xmas dinner so i will eat up till then then after the xmas dinner i will stick to my goal....i just hope the temptation wont get me like it has done so many times ....