P.S (before i go into this entry just want to say i will be using names from now on instead of saying he and they im going to say barny or wateva so to clear things up in my previous blogs.Steven is the lovely one ya no my brughtest sun who makes me ahaooy and the one im in love with. Sean is the straight guy who i did fancy i gave him a blow job regreted afterwards he is a bit of a twat, but we jus simply have a few jokes now so no biggy its all in the past. Daryl is the one that i hate totali he is a dirty, arse licking, up him self basterd he thinks just cuz he is hard (well he aint his quite a stupid thicko to be honest hes just a stupid thicko with alot of strength lol) so yeah i just wanted to make that all clear and my boss is called Mike....them lot will be spoke about alot and have all been in previous blogs)
Now onto tonights blogs (well this mornings really its 2:29 Am) im half asleep but have wanted do my blog for a while....lol.....but just need to have it in me to do it im not lazy just need to be in the mood to write but yes todays blog is all about hatred, Hunger, Pain, Honesty, disrespect, Daryl.... Firstly the girl in the grey pic is a real life version of Cassie the Charecter i idolise from
skins except for the fact this girl is helping me become anorexic shes the girl from my previous blog entry 'ya no da one who sent me the tips to starve myself, loose weight and hide my anorexia )if thats what i have got).. I mean i Know i shouldnt think of her as a positive thing as she is potrntially helping in killing me....but i dont care i dont want to eat and that final....
Im not doing to bad with the eating although i have my slip ups but im dedicated i weighed myself and measured my waist my weight is Ten stone four and my wrighst is 78 i dont no what that is but i put it around and it said 78...so i dont no im learning thats all i can say....... So yeah ive met my real life Cassie. I hate how i look on pics so if i purposely try to look wierd i cant complain.....ive been on this cool pix remix site and i got a pic of me and a pic of cassie and ive merged them together..and it looks so effective and i wrote on there 'Same soul random hearts' lol thats how i feel when i think of Cassie and yes i know she is a charecter and nort a real person but she is my rock and my support throughout my journey....I love the feeling of dizzyness when there is no food inside me its like a buzz a reward for me cuz i didnt give into temptation....but wen i do give in wow my mood changes i hate myself and feel like cutting my arms legs wherever just to get rid of the pain and anger xx
Now the guy i like Steven well he being a bit off with me he aint as talkative and hasnt came and sat in the room with me for ages and like i said in a previous blog as soon as i loose him im going down down dwon and there aint cummin back ... he is the only thing stopping me from doing something drastic and if i loose him wow.....im in trouble....i just mean he is so special and so lovely i want him in my life if not as a boyfriend than as a great friend that talk about evritink.....i either love him or lust him but its all about how i want him emotionally rather than physically xxx
Theres a previous friend daryl who i hate to the highest high of hatredhe is aggressive, nasty, bully's me threatens me you name it what a dickead fucker does he does it.....i mean i only out up with him because he cant do any wrong in my boss's eyes.....i mean it pisses me off that Daryl is here all the time...i hate hm whenever he walks into a room i jus want his heart to stop...
I know that sounds drastic but its true thats how horrible it is (bu because im supersticious and panicy i just want to state that i dont want Daryl to die just want to be as far away as possible from him)
Ive neva spoke about my friends before in this blog so heres just a quick run through because although there friends im not sure i feel safe around them to the point as i could tell them anything and be myself around them.....i would be to llucky if i dound anyone like that xxx
Denise: Cute Funny, very jelous of people, warm genuinely cares and yes the closest friend i have to feeling safe around..
Laura: Helpful, kind, ver loud argumentative annoying but i love her she is a laugh and a great gossiper i could kill her sometimes but ya no its the way it goes...
Leanne: Met her quite recentley and we Call each other bro and sis and yes shes the sis not me incase thats what you were thinking...She is lovely we are reali close ova msn and bebo in person we not as comftable but its a new friendship ya have to give it time....
(by the way i just had a sharp thought and burst of flavour on my tounge as i was typing cochocolate milkshake just popped in my head ice cold and i could feel the chocolate going doown my throat i felt it and tasted it so strong as if i was really drinking it...wow that was so cool)
Katherine: Well im not sure i think she likes attention slightly dramatic...shes emo so no shcok dere but she seems real nice and fun hope to get to no here better.
And thats about it for this entry: I need to rush my laptop battery is nearli dead and i cant put chatger on cuz im on top bunk of the ned and i should be in bed and i may wake daryl ya no dat pikey inbread cunt i keep swearing about and i no he will grass to Mike my boss that i was up well cya untill next time.....Cassie Rules and So does Rachel (My real life Casie)
No comments:
Post a Comment