Im trying so hard that its hurting me

Well ive moved away from my area four hours away to be exact and i have come to live with my Aunt and her partner and its nice the place ive moved to is a small countryside sort of thing and compared to the big city ive come from its close to heaven. But im trying to be happy and forget about all my food problems. Its so not easy but ive been trying i have only made myself sick once since ive come up. Also i no this sounds a bit embaressing but i have got so horny i no im like 18 but my aunts boyfriend has the internet and ive been like addicted to X-tube, Pornotube and Redtube. When ever i can im watching them but im taking such a risk that i always regret after because im deleteing the internet history but i dont no if my Aunts boyfriend has a way of undeleteing the deleted. Also he has lots of folders on his laptop that keeps infomation of the net and whats been accessed i always say to myself 'dont watch anymore porn' but i always give in and do it anyway i have a few lies created incase he does see them. I dont want to lie i just dont want to be ended and sent home.

Ive ben keeping a diary since i came to my Aunts to help me forget all the negative parts of my life. Ive missded writing in my blog but as im not aloud to use the internet untill i get a job i have been sneaking on when my Aunt says i can then i just delete what ive been on His rules are im aloud to check my hotmail but thats it. Also theres a guy i dont no if i have told you in previous Blogs (i think i have) well there is this guy steven who i have got back in contact with and i swear im still totali in love with him. I did cut all communication with him because of how i felt but he got back in contact with me over bebo, and i couldnt resist the temptation of talking to him.

Im missing my cats so much and my mom and nan but as im so stressed and all panicy about finding a job and somewhere to live that i find it hard to smile sometime never mind miss anyone. But im glad im away from where i used to live but i swear i am so tempted to start starving myself again, but i dont wnat to i am just finding it hard to deal with. problems over and over again things go wrong and i cant really take it. I could of a few years ago i would have stressed them moved on but now its like no way i get knocked back i dont half get flung back.